Dear Santa

Dear Santa,

It has been so many decades since I have written to you. I am at a loss in my life, as of May of 11 I will be unemployed for two years. I feel like a failure in my life, I wonder if I have done something to be put on a extended naughty list. I thought I am a person who tries to give a lot of good in my life. I am lacking direction in where I should be doing my life. I don't know who I should talk to so this is why I am writing to you, I am hoping that sending you this letter would give me a childlike faith as I once had believing that anything is possible. So Santa here is what I am asking for this Christmas, I would wish to have a full time job again doing something that I enjoy doing, and that I would be able to support myself. I also would like to meet that special person who I am suppose to be with. It is hard for someone to understand how it is to be alone romantically. I am rich with good friends in my life who I would and have done anything for, I do not ask anything from them in return, but I really need to have that special person that I can grow old with and be able to talk to them about how I am feeling. Many people don't know that I am an emotional eater, I guess they will after reading this blog, I eat when I am upset and I am upset when I eat. I am feel lazy because I do not have the energy or the drive to lose my excess weight. Dear Santa where can I go from here. I hope to receive a special gift from you this holiday season. Thank you again for taking the time to read this personal excerpt of my life.

Love always,

Jeff Lafary

Unnamed

Hello, how are you? What's going on? You have a great smile. Would you like to hang out? I find you attractive. I would never leave you. You are the only one I want to be with. You are the sexiest person in this room. You are so nice and sweet, let me tell you I am anything but nice ans sweet. what I am going to really tell you that you don to want to hear is. I am hurting inside, I need an escape and I do need to release myself. These words I have used many times to have a moment of weakness. To those I have said these words in my many moments of weakness I am very sorry, and I am sorry I took advantage of you.
Does true love exist? I don't know, I pray it does. How am I ever going to find true love if I keep taking advantage of the wrong men. It is a termultive cycle that I must break. How is Mr. 6'2 lean muscular body, blondish brown hair with ice blue eyes and the desire to be with me if I can not lay off the bad man crack.
It is funny that in my 34 years of breathing on this earth I have never lived. Oh I have been going with the daily motions of of live like the many other millions of people, but I have never lived. I have so many dreams that I have never went for. I have been to scared to attempt. I have failed in so many areas such as finance, career, and romance. Where I have been very successful in is having the ability to make friends. "To you who are in my life, thank you for being a friend. Sorry golden girls, theme song running in my head." I owe my ability to make friends to the fact I do have a warm and caring heart, I have to thank God for blessing me with my own special gift.
With what was said , how is my dream husband going to find me and fall in love with me if I am overweight. Yes I could diet and exercise to change my appearances, but how can I heal the battle scares. I have lost my own inner war, for the moment. God, the universe do you have the answers, because I sure don't. Anyone who reads this how did you get through it? I pray, I commune with myself, but I guess I am not a patient man. "As a kid, when my parents would give me money I would burn right through it so fast." I have learned from that in a way. I have been thinking of a few things I would like to happen in this current lifetime.
A. Have love finally find me
B. Live a long and full life
C. Travel to Europe
D. Become famous
E. To not worry and be willing to take chances.
Walt Whitman once said "(Dream) Forsake all inhibitions. Pursue thy dreams! Walt Whitman", and from the poem Invictus "Out of the night that covers me, Black as the Pit from pole to pole, I thank whatever gods may be For my unconquerable soul. In the fell clutch of circumstance I have not winced nor cried aloud. Under the bludgeonings of chance
My head is bloody, but unbowed. Beyond this place of wrath and tears Looms but the horror of the shade, And yet the menace of the years Finds, and shall find me, unafraid. It matters not how strait the gate, How charged with punishments the scroll, I am the master of my fate; I am the captain of my soul." How can I be the master of my fate and how can I be the captain of my soul, when I am stuck in the middle of the ocean without and guide to give me the direction I am searching for. I have opened my soul for you to read this it is after five in the morning and had the feeling to right this. Thank you for reading

Just another Sunday

Today has been a quiet day, I do not have anything to blog about today, going to have a girlz day out with my best friend..Michael and I have not had a girlz day in a long time...Look out maybe Ill have something to write about then...Is there anyone reading this besides my facebook friends

Friday April 23rd

OK readers is it funny that all lives when we are young we do everything we can to make ourselves older, and when we reach a certain age we do everything we can to be younger. As a teenager to early 20's we create fake id's to get into bars, dress older etc... As an adult we dress younger use cosmetics to make us look younger or plastic surgery or my favorite is to date younger men....hahah as I told someone tonight I am not a chicken hawk but a cougar lol...Is there anyone out in the world wide web reading my blogs send me a shout out and If there is something you would like me to chat about just give me some ideas and I will do my best to chat about it. Have a wonderful night and I will talk to you later.... All my love to you

Rants

One of the things about being unemployed, you do get a chance to watch a little more TV. Lets talk about Logo TV, I can so tell it is under the MTV network. There is no originality and they run each show so in the ground its like beating a dead thing over and over again "Come on guys figure it out, you have to have some ideas where you are going"

OK the next thing I have to talk about is, when you are in a public environment and a person of the female gender is expressing themselves with their bodies "not shaving having a less than the known feminine role" please have some consideration of those who are around you, use a bar of soap and some form of deodorant when you step out in public. If you do not wanna shave hey more power to you but think of those who you are around. I have found this is becoming very popular with young college women. If you are one of these people I have talked about I am sorry if I have offended you but wow you are offending me and those around. I really wanted to hurl being around you, it really left an imprint though out the entire establishment.

Thank you for listening to my comments I will post more later

What is fair

I sit here and think, I am a unemployed fat gay man. I have not worked since May of 2009, I lost my job due to a buy out. I am a college grad and not since I was a teenager do I have no clue what I wanna do with my life. All of my life I have worked in a restaurant and I know it is not my heart is any longer wanna do it. If any one else is unemployed you would have to agree this is our generations great depression, not because the stock market crashed like on that black day many years ago, but a depression because you don't know what direction to go, having to interview if your lucky to get one then not get a thank you or go f yourself after you interview. If you are like me you go into a depression where all you do is stay up all night and sleep all day because you don't wanna look at the sun. Am I the only one who feels like this? and please don't get me started on my love life, because I eat when I am sad and I get fat because I eat. Now why did I say that you do not find many men who look like a model who will wanna be with a guy who is 5'8 and weighs 255lbs. Ill hit up on that topic another time. Im sorry If I sound like I am just running around in circles here first time blogging so I hope I get better at this. Thanks for listing to my rant